MN Peace Team Halloween Reportback: Streets Safe From People in Masks

The Minnesota Peace Team is proud to report that we successfully kept the streets, cops, and private property safe on the night of Halloween. We made sure no one was out exercising their rights that night!

Early in the day, we heard reports of people planning to be out in public wearing masks to cover their faces and costumes of a perverse nature to help disguise their identities. Extensive research revealed that people mask up on this day every year.

Once we confirmed these reports, we knew what we had to do! Forming a small but dedicated brigade, we set out for the location that self-identified mask wearers are known to haunt...

Bedlam Theatre.

Below you will find a photo essay showing the good work we performed for the sake of our police officers and private property interests. For our safety, our faces have been obscured with fiery smiley faces of peace and love.

As expected, people were masked up left and right, dancing around in a riotous manner. We did not see any police officers or private property to protect, but our attention was soon drawn to a particularly rowdy person who was flailing around and dressed in a way that can only be described as "anarchist."

Quickly encircling this frightening individual, we first expressed our disdain for the way he was threatening the safety of the police officers and private property that could have been there but were not. Absence of harm or victims is not the point...people's actions potentially threatening police officers or private property cannot be tolerated. Safety starts by everyone staying at home, which is where we come in.

He was oblivious to our frowns. Not to be dissuaded, we escalated our tactics to include shaking our heads and pointing at him. Insolent, he continued to dance around in a riotous manner.

When he refused to cease endangering the police officers and private property that could have potentially been there maybe at some point, we had no choice but to employ one of our strongest tactics...

PUPPY PILE!

Even with the weight of our love and peace crushing him, he continued to flail and put the absent but potential police officers and property in danger. He was also putting us in danger, so we had to pacify him with stern but loving blows to his back, abdomen, and other areas that do not bruise easily.

At long last--and at great potential personal risk--we neutralized the greatest threat to our great society: people being in public.

We are proud to have served our community police officers and private property interests on this most dangerous of nights. The next time you find yourself at risk of behaving like this masked fool, remember our motto:

"Forget about your rights. The cops said go home."

Fiery smiley faces of peace and love,

The Minnesota Peace Team